Friday, November 9, 2018
Today's Gift
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.
Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for their share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Results of Prayer
In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are
beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience.
All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily
their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability.
And they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand
firm in the face of difficult circumstances.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 104
Thought to Ponder
Trying to pray is praying.
AA-related 'Alconym'
P R A Y E R = Praying Regularly Allows Your Everyday Recovery
See the good
Love is something if you give away, you end up having more. —Malvina Reynolds
The other side of giving is taking. Many of us were brought up to believe that it's not okay to take, so we diminish admiration that people give us. "Oh, this old rag, I got it at a garage sale for next to nothing." This response to a compliment can take away the joy of giving it from the person who admired the way we looked.
Giving needs taking to complete it. We can keep the cycle of generosity going by taking gracefully. A world without those who take would be unbalanced. When someone gives us love, appreciation, or a gift, we can show our real pleasure with a simple thank you, and stop thinking we don't deserve it.
Can I accept what's given to me today in the spirit it's offered?
From Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©
From: Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation - Thought for the Day http://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/recovery/thought-for-the-day
********************************
Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Keep It Simple
Sometimes the hardest part of loving someone is
knowing they don’t fully love you the same way
you love them. -Unknown
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
Sometimes the hardest part of loving someone is
knowing they don’t fully love you the same way
you love them. -Unknown
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.
Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for their share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Action for the Day: Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I will accept the natural level my relationships reach when I do my share and allow the other person to choose what their share will be. I can trust my relationships to reach their own level. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
From: Bluidkiti's Alcohol and Drug Addictions Recovery Help/Support Forums Daily Recovery Readings - http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=2
****************************
One Day At A Time
In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are
beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience.
All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily
their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability.
And they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand
firm in the face of difficult circumstances.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 104
Thought to Ponder
Trying to pray is praying.
AA-related 'Alconym'
P R A Y E R = Praying Regularly Allows Your Everyday Recovery
From: AA Thought for the Day (courtesy AA-Alive.net)
Excerpt of The Daily Motivator
by Ralph Marston
See the good in life. See the good in people, in situations, in knowledge, possibilities, values and resources.
Even when the worst happens, make a point to see the good in life. The best way forward begins with envisioning a positive way forward.
See the good, and let your spirit be lifted by what you see. See the good, and act on the possibilities for expanding upon it.
Seeing the good does not mean you have to be naive, or in denial. It means you choose to be strong and positive within a reality that can often have a negative flavor.
Yes, terrible things can happen, and often do. And yes, even so, there is always a positive path forward.
See the good that is possible and live your life in support of that goodness. Take hold of what is good, and with your time, with your actions, make more of it.
See the good in life. See the good in people, in situations, in knowledge, possibilities, values and resources.
Even when the worst happens, make a point to see the good in life. The best way forward begins with envisioning a positive way forward.
See the good, and let your spirit be lifted by what you see. See the good, and act on the possibilities for expanding upon it.
Seeing the good does not mean you have to be naive, or in denial. It means you choose to be strong and positive within a reality that can often have a negative flavor.
Yes, terrible things can happen, and often do. And yes, even so, there is always a positive path forward.
See the good that is possible and live your life in support of that goodness. Take hold of what is good, and with your time, with your actions, make more of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment