Thursday, August 2, 2012
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between. --Melody Beattie
One of the hardest parts of change is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for the universe to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in between can apply to many areas of life. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©
Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Walk In Dry Places
"That's the way I am"
Bad behavior is sometimes justified as a form of self-expression: "That's the way I am." Others are supposed to tolerate this or risk losing a friendship.
In our daily living, we should modify any behavior that offends or hurts others. If we have been too brutally frank in our comments, for example, maybe we're at fault. What we call honesty is really a form of cruelty.
If we persist in "being the way we are" even when it doesn't work, we have nobody to blame but ourselves when things go wrong. Other people are entitled to be treated fairly and decently. Just as we want to be. Perhaps "the way I am" is something that can be changed for the good of all, ourselves included.
Action for the Day: If I have habits and traits that cause friction with others, I'll take a new look at them. It's possible that this is something I can and should change.
Making a List
We should make an accurate and really exhaustive survey of our past life
as it has affected other people.
In many cases we shall find that though the harm done others has not been great;
the emotional harm we have done ourselves has.
Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts
persist below the level of consciousness.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pp. 79-80
Thought to Ponder . . .
Thoroughness, we have found, will pay -- and pay handsomely.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
H O W = Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness
Keep expecting the best
Expect the best. Accept what comes. Make the most of it. Repeat.
It’s always best to expect the very best of yourself, of others, and of life. Yet those expectations can take time to manifest.
Surely and eventually your persistent positive expectations will bear fruit. So give them the opportunity to do their best work by diligently doing your best work.
Embrace each moment as it comes. You cannot change what has already been handed to you but you can absolutely find a positive course of action.
Keep expecting the very best, and working toward it, especially when circumstances tell you otherwise. Keep expecting the very best, no matter what, and you’ll make it happen.
— Ralph Marston