Putting Our Life on Hold
We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....
That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.
What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?
Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn't work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.
Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©
Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Keep It Simple
And it isn't the thing you do, dear, It's the thing you leave undone
Which gives you a bit of a heartache, At the setting of the sun. --Margaret Sangster
A quality we all share, a very human quality, is to expect perfection from ourselves, to expect the impossible in all tasks done. We must rejoice for the good we do. Each time we pat ourselves on the back for a job well done, our confidence grows a little bit more. Recovery is best measured by our emotional and spiritual health, expressed in our apparent confidence and trust in "the process."
We need to recognize and celebrate our strong points, and they'll gain even more strength. Likewise, we need to practice prayer/meditation and listening to guidance first to develop our ties to our Higher Power, but more importantly to be able to acknowledge when help is at hand. We can do all we need to do with our Higher Power's help.
Having goals but keeping them realistic, for the day or the year, is a sign of emotional health. Not dwelling on those that can't be accomplished, at the moment, is another sign. A change of attitude is all most of us need to move from where we are to a better place emotionally.
Action for the day: There's never a better time than right now for rejoicing over what I've done.
Deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of their God.
It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things,
but in some form or other it is there.
For faith in a Power greater than ourselves,
and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives,
are facts as old as man himself. . .
We found the Great Reality deep down with us.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 55
Thought to Ponder . . .
The power within me is far greater than any fear before me.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
F A I T H = Facing An Inner Truth Heals.
The power of joy
To have joy in your life, give joy to your world. Live joy as each moment comes.
Don’t postpone the joy until conditions are perfect. Every experience is an experience to which you can add joy.
Feel how truly fortunate you are to be living this moment. Give joy and live joy just because you can.
Each day is an opportunity to add joy to life. You can always bring a sense of profound and abiding joy to what you do, no matter what it is.
Marvel at the big things, and find delight in the small things. The opportunities to express new joy are everywhere.
Make the choice to keep your focus on the most positive possibilities. Lift your whole world higher with the power of joy.
— Ralph Marston