Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Today's Gift
Owning Our Power in Relationships
So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships. —Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to remember to own our power.
Practice. Practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.
Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, or a false sense of shame and guilt; stop me from taking care of myself.
So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships. —Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to remember to own our power.
Practice. Practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.
Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, or a false sense of shame and guilt; stop me from taking care of myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
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Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Walk In Dry Places
Personal Relations
Personal Relations
Treating loved ones worse than strangers.
Some of us grew up with resentments about the way our families treated us. It was confusing to notice how nice our parents could be toward strangers and then how abruptly they could become abusive toward us.
Some of us grew up with resentments about the way our families treated us. It was confusing to notice how nice our parents could be toward strangers and then how abruptly they could become abusive toward us.
The best release for this kind of resentment is forgiveness, but we should also ask ourselves if we're guilty of the same faults. Are we discourteous and inconsiderate toward our own children and family members? Do we apologize when we offend strangers, but not when we hurt our own children?
We should try to treat everyone with fairness and kindness. No family member should be subjuected to our incessant criticism and rudeness. We owe them the same courtesies we extend to strangers.
Action for the day: If I've had bad examples of abusive treatment in my own early years, I'll change the pattern by treating my own family with fairness and kindness, starting today.
**********************
One Day At A Time
Humility
In AA, we looked and listened.
Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility
into priceless assets.
We heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness.
In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life.
~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 75
Thought to Ponder . . .
Learn to listen; listen to learn.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
C H A N G E = Choosing Humility Allows New Gifts and Energy.
In AA, we looked and listened.
Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility
into priceless assets.
We heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness.
In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life.
~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 75
Thought to Ponder . . .
Learn to listen; listen to learn.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
C H A N G E = Choosing Humility Allows New Gifts and Energy.
*********************
Daily Motivation
Daily Motivation
Give a little more
In every situation there is the opportunity to give a little bit more. By doing so, you can vastly improve the value created in that situation.
If you've already invested time and effort in something, consider giving just a little bit more. Add to the momentum that's already there.
If you're already making the effort, giving a little bit more gives even more value to the effort you've already made. It creates greater value from the combined effort.
There are plenty of opportunities to give a little bit more. By doing so, you can easily distinguish yourself and set yourself apart from the crowd.
Make the most of the momentum you've already established by extending the momentum as long as you can. Once you're on a roll, give a little more, and keep your efforts rolling strong.
-- Ralph Marston
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