Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.
It doesn't help.
It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.
Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Who is the bravest hero? He who turns his enemy into a friend. --- Hebrew Proverb
In recovery we take our worst enemy, addiction, and turn it around. We were ashamed of our addiction. Over time we become proud of our recovery. We were our own worst enemy. Now we're our own best friend. We are brave people.
Being brave is about facing our fears. Often we think brave people don't get afraid, but this isn't true. Brave people learn to stay put, even when their knees are shaking. Many times in recovery, we will want to run when we should stay put. We may even think about using chemicals again.
We need to remember our bravery and how we turned our worst enemy into a friend.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it."
Do not be discouraged.
No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence
to these principles. We are not saints.
The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.
The principles we have set down are guides to progress.
We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 60
Thought to Ponder . . .
If I have the courage to begin, I have the courage to succeed.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
H E L P = Hope, Encouragement, Love, Patience.
What you imagine is real. What you imagine comes from the truth of you.
In what you imagine there is great and wonderful treasure. And the more you dare to imagine, the more extensive and valuable that treasure becomes.