Thursday, May 14, 2009

Grieving and Healing:

The post is dedicated to my Tio (uncle) Oscar.
By the time this blog is posted I will be attending my uncle’s funeral, Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 11:00am (EST). I have to admit it’s been an emotional rollercoaster ride. Why does death bring out the worst in some people? Oh well, such is life. Here’s my post:

At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a job, even intense disappointment can cause grief. The grieving that follows a loss is real, and can be very painful, potentially overwhelming. By repressing or denying any emotion, we fall into poor habits that emotionally cripple us, and keep us from living life while coping with loss - but you don't have to fall into depression.

There are five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

Five Stages of Grief

  1. Denial and Isolation. At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
  2. Anger.The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
  3. Bargaining.Now the grieving person may make bargains with our Higher Power, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
  4. Depression. The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
  5. Acceptance. This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
    Keep in mind that you may not go through all five stages in this order for every loss; you might even skip a couple. As long as we get to the fifth stage of acceptance we’ll be alright.

Here are some steps you can take that may make the grieving process easier to get through:

  • Learn to accept that your loss is real.
  • Make it OK to feel the pain.
  • Adjust to living without your loss
  • Find a safe place in your heart for your loved one, and allow yourself to move on.
  • And finally, what do you do with the love that you feel?

Learn more about these steps at;
Grieving and Healing: 5 Steps to Help You Through the Grieving Process
How to work through grieving and begin to enjoy life again
By Sharon O'Brien,

In Loving Memory
As a child I had only one male adult role model. Tio (uncle) Oscar was that man. He was more of a father figure than an uncle. I always looked forward to hearing Tio’s stories. I know his stories were war stories full of violence, rage, drugs, gangs, and death. What I heard were stories of courage, strength and loyalty. In my eyes, Tio was a warrior, magician, lover, and a king all in one. *The Warrior (the energy of self-disciplined, aggressive action), the Magician (the energy of initiation and transformation), the Lover (the energy that connects men to others and the world), the King (the energy of just and creative ordering), as well as the four immature patterns (Divine Child, Oedipal Child, Precocious Child, and Hero).

Tio Oscar taught me to be my true self not matter what. He didn’t change his ways for any one or anything. He was not afraid to tell you how it is; no sugar coating, or beating around the bush. For me his number one saying was “Aw, fuck that shit”. If you told him he couldn’t do something he would say “Aw, fuck that shit” and prove you wrong. When people talked crap behind his back he would say “Aw, fuck that shit” and not pay any mind to it. When life gives you lemons just say “Aw, fuck that shit!”, and move on. Try saying it. It works for just about everything. For those of you who know me personally- now you know where got all these qualities from. They are a blessing and a curse at the same time, but I wouldn’t change them for the world.

Tio Oscar,
Thank you for all the blessings you have given me and will continue to give me. As you unite with our ancestors, whose shoulders you stood on throughout your life, know that now I stand on your shoulders, as now it is my turn to become the role model. My way my not be like your way, but I promise you it will be just as powerful. Again, thank you, and many blessings to you as you continue on to the next course of your journey. I love you Tio Oscar!

Your nephew,

*King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine by Robert Moore , Douglas Gillette

If you are not sure how to begin your work-in or need some guidance please feel free to post a comment or email me directly at, I will response as soon as I can.

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(Usual disclaimer applies: The suggestions on this blog are just that “SUGGESTIONS.” My words cannot heal your pain and or addictions. Nor can I change your life. Only you can.)


  1. Edward, Thanks for the great Eulogy... My Father, your Uncle ( Tio) Oscar, would be DAMN proud of it. Infact, he was smiling down on you when you gave it. I'm sorry it took me this long to visit your blog. I think that you are an Exceptional person, and what you did was great. Your words helped me get through what I thought was the END. So, on that note... Bye LIL O.