Thursday, January 22, 2009

Asking for Help is OK

We have been taught all our lives to be independent. As toddlers we are praised for learning to take that first step, using the washroom, and tying our shoes on our own without any help. Then our parents stood proud as they saw us ride our bicycles without the training wheels or their help for the first time. Do you remember that feeling that rushed through your body as you realized “I can do it on my own.”? Then you look and see the pride in your parent’s eyes for their child. Once you’ve been there it’s hard to go back. Now we carry that pride around within ourselves; the “I can do this on my own” pride.

Now, as adults, we may see asking for help as a sign of weakness and feel shame around it. “If I ask for help they will figure out I’m a fake”, “I’m not the right person for the job”, “I’m losing control”, “I screwed up again”, etc. In fact, the total opposite is true; asking for help will show courage, willingness, humility and strength. Believe me, I’ll be the first to tell you that asking for help is not as easy as one may think. I still struggle around asking for help at times. I’m sure my supervisor will attest to that. Actually she has been a great source of encouragement and support for me in being ok with myself to ask for help. Thank you Judy.

When we are deep in our addiction, or way overwhelmed with the drama we create because we didn’t ask for help, we still won’t ask for help. We have to be neck deep in shit before we even think of asking for help. This has to change. If you want to continue to grow within, you must understand that you can’t do it alone.

Give yourself permission to ask for help.

Today, challenge yourself to overcome your feelings of vulnerability and ask someone for help. If you’re especially uncomfortable with this idea, start small. Maybe ask someone for feedback on a project. Or borrow a book from a friend. There are lots of ways to maintain some control while still getting support from others.

Helpful Hint:
Ask for what you need knowing you may not get it.

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(Usual disclaimer applies: The suggestions on this blog are just that “SUGGESTIONS.” My words cannot heal your pain and or addictions. Nor can I change your life. Only you can.)

“Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness." -- Shakti Gawain

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