Thursday, January 19, 2012
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ~ Marianne Williamson
Owning Our Power
Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing ourselves - and others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling victimized because we're attempting to control their process or we're unreasonably expecting them to take care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent belief such as: Other people make me feel.... Others hold the key to my happiness and destiny.... Or, I can't be happy unless another behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place...
Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being victimized by another's behavior. Our boundaries are being invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set boundaries.
Sometimes, a change of attitude is all that's required. We are not victims.
We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us but understand that compassion often comes later, after we've removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.
We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our part - not to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.
We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior, but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.
Today, I will take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized, I cannot control outcomes, but I can control my attitude toward being victimized. I am not a victim; I do not deserve to be victimized.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©
Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Walk In Dry Places
Willpower Isn't the Power_____Power
We almost universally agree that willpower simply does not work as a direct force in overcoming alcoholism. The alcoholic who believes that a strong will and determination bring sobriety is probably headed for disaster.
In the same way, willpower is ineffective in dealing with a number of personal problems. In fact, the mustering of willpower seems to strengthen the problems or cuase them to take other forms. We know that we are using willpower on problems when there is a great deal of tension and anxiety in letting our Higher Power handle matters in a way that brings contentment and satisfaction. When excessive will is involved, we usually suppress feelings that ought to be expressed in positive ways.
The solution is not to fight problems in ourselves or in the outer world. By turning all matters over to the Higher Will, we will find the best way to deal with the evils within ourselves and with the opposition in our world. "Self-will run riot" was a problem in drinking, and it can be equality destructive in sobriety. Our will should be joined with the Higher Will for true success in living.
Action for the Day: I will rely on my Higher power as I go through the day. God can do the many things I cannot do for myself.
Perhaps "justifiable" resentment is the trickiest of all to handle.
It's the end product of "righteous" anger, after long cherishing,
and if it is allowed to continue,
it will slowly undermine our defenses against taking a drink.
- Living Sober, p.39
Thought to Ponder . . .
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
A A = Avoid Anger.
The way to achieve is not to try. The way to achieve is to do.
The difference between trying and doing is all in your perspective. That difference makes all the difference in the world.
When you see yourself as trying, you are burdening yourself with the expectation of failure. Instead, put all your energy and focus into doing your very best, and into expecting the best results.
Merely trying is itself an excuse, and it gives you permission to make all sorts of other excuses. Doing, on the other hand, gets results.
If you’re going to make the effort, then make it count. Let go of any thoughts that you’re just trying, and embrace the most positive expectations.
You are absolutely capable of making a real and valuable difference. So forget about trying, and with well-deserved confidence, go ahead and get it done.
— Ralph Marston