Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Today's Gift
We men have fallen into many difficulties because of poorly defined personal boundaries. Some of us never learned to say no to our mothers and felt invaded or ruled by them. Or we never truly said no to our fathers - never went through a teenage rebellion to establish ourselves as adults. Others have gotten stuck saying no and have never learned to yield and say yes.
Boundary problems have been part of the difficulty in many areas of our lives. We've told ourselves we have no right to our yes or no, or we've said we're strong enough to sacrifice for someone else, or we've welcomed the escape from ourselves in discarding our choice. Not saying no when we needed to or not saying yes when we wanted to has led many of us into doctors' offices, courts, jails, lost jobs, divorces, and bad marriages. Now the inner voice of our Higher Power is showing us our limits and encouraging us to stand up for them.
I am learning to know myself by defining my boundaries and choosing when and when not to cross them. 
Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have learned when to say yes, when to say no, and when to say whoopee!—Willard S. Krabill
We men have fallen into many difficulties because of poorly defined personal boundaries. Some of us never learned to say no to our mothers and felt invaded or ruled by them. Or we never truly said no to our fathers - never went through a teenage rebellion to establish ourselves as adults. Others have gotten stuck saying no and have never learned to yield and say yes.
Boundary problems have been part of the difficulty in many areas of our lives. We've told ourselves we have no right to our yes or no, or we've said we're strong enough to sacrifice for someone else, or we've welcomed the escape from ourselves in discarding our choice. Not saying no when we needed to or not saying yes when we wanted to has led many of us into doctors' offices, courts, jails, lost jobs, divorces, and bad marriages. Now the inner voice of our Higher Power is showing us our limits and encouraging us to stand up for them.
I am learning to know myself by defining my boundaries and choosing when and when not to cross them.
From Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men ©
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Twenty-Four Hours A Day
Walk In Dry Places
Second thoughts
What should I have said or done?
After an intense discussion, we might rehash what we said and wish we'd said something else. Perhaps some brilliant remark occurs to us long after the conversation has ended. We can say only what comes to us at the time of the discussion. Our best preparation for any such discussion.... however important.... is to place the matter in our Higher Power's hands, seeking the highest good for everyone involved.
It may be that the brilliant thoughts coming to us later would have actually been inappropriate. After all, important discussions also involve exchanges of strong feelings that influence the meeting. If our feelings are in line with the high principles of the program, the discussion should go well. In such cases, we will probably say what we're supposed to say.
Action for the Day: I'll do my best today without trying to
second-guess every word or action.
Walk In Dry Places
Second thoughts
What should I have said or done?
After an intense discussion, we might rehash what we said and wish we'd said something else. Perhaps some brilliant remark occurs to us long after the conversation has ended. We can say only what comes to us at the time of the discussion. Our best preparation for any such discussion..
It may be that the brilliant thoughts coming to us later would have actually been inappropriate. After all, important discussions also involve exchanges of strong feelings that influence the meeting. If our feelings are in line with the high principles of the program, the discussion should go well. In such cases, we will probably say what we're supposed to say.
Action for the Day: I'll do my best today without trying to
second-guess every word or action.
*******************
One Day At A Time
Loneliness
There is no more aloneness, with that awful ache,
so deep in the heart of every alcoholic or addict that nothing, before, could ever reach it. That ache is gone and never need return again.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 276
Thought to ponder . . .
I'm not alone anymore.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
Y A N A = You Are Not Alone.
A MEMBER SHARES:
I am T, an alcoholic. Loneliness was my life before I came to program. I could be in a crowd and be alone, but when I was drinking, I did not have time to connect with people. I was too involved in alcohol -- being sure I had enough. Hustling -- people were marks to me. I would scan the group and see who had what, and what game I needed to get it. I did not think much about it then. I spent holidays in the bars because my family sure did not want me around. When I came into the program, it was hard for me at first. When I was asked to come back, invited to have coffee at the diner, or to someone's home, I was suspicious. What did they want from me?
Nothing, except to see me getting sober and to watch me begin to trust. When I am working this simple program with my sponsor and staying in contact with my Higher Power, I am not alone. There’s a worldwide fellowship of folks like me. Thanks to the Internet these days, it is a real concept. The folks I have come to care so deeply for are those I have shared with, not to get anything back, but only to enjoy knowing other people. That connection takes away loneliness. Even yesterday, after a medical procedure, I ended up home by myself but I was not alone. Folks were on the phone, on the computer, driving by to honk, knowing I was not ok enough to get up to let anyone in. But I was not alone; I never have to be alone again. AA has taught me how to open my heart and open my spirit. And an open heart is never a lonely one.
One Day At A Time
Loneliness
There is no more aloneness, with that awful ache,
so deep in the heart of every alcoholic or addict that nothing, before, could ever reach it. That ache is gone and never need return again.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 276
Thought to ponder . . .
I'm not alone anymore.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
Y A N A = You Are Not Alone.
A MEMBER SHARES:
I am T, an alcoholic. Loneliness was my life before I came to program. I could be in a crowd and be alone, but when I was drinking, I did not have time to connect with people. I was too involved in alcohol -- being sure I had enough. Hustling -- people were marks to me. I would scan the group and see who had what, and what game I needed to get it. I did not think much about it then. I spent holidays in the bars because my family sure did not want me around. When I came into the program, it was hard for me at first. When I was asked to come back, invited to have coffee at the diner, or to someone's home, I was suspicious. What did they want from me?
Nothing, except to see me getting sober and to watch me begin to trust. When I am working this simple program with my sponsor and staying in contact with my Higher Power, I am not alone. There’s a worldwide fellowship of folks like me. Thanks to the Internet these days, it is a real concept. The folks I have come to care so deeply for are those I have shared with, not to get anything back, but only to enjoy knowing other people. That connection takes away loneliness. Even yesterday, after a medical procedure, I ended up home by myself but I was not alone. Folks were on the phone, on the computer, driving by to honk, knowing I was not ok enough to get up to let anyone in. But I was not alone; I never have to be alone again. AA has taught me how to open my heart and open my spirit. And an open heart is never a lonely one.
*********************
Daily Motivation
Your attitude can be your most valuable asset. For it is with your attitude that you make use of all the other assets.
If you have a well-developed skill but don't take the initiative to use it, you might as well not even have that skill. If you have great opportunities and fail to take advantage of them, they won't be of any value to you.
In fact, you do have more than enough intelligence and skill to reach any goal you set for yourself. You do have ways to access the resources necessary to achieve anything that you're fully committed to achieving.
The defining factor is your attitude. Because your attitude determines what you do with each moment, and those moments, all added together, form the substance of your life.
And your attitude is yours to choose. It ultimately depends not on any outside factors, but on what you decide to make it.
You have a whole world full of good things going for you. Adopt an attitude that enables you to always make the best of what you have.
-- Ralph Marston
Daily Motivation
Most valuable asset
Your attitude can be your most valuable asset. For it is with your attitude that you make use of all the other assets.
If you have a well-developed skill but don't take the initiative to use it, you might as well not even have that skill. If you have great opportunities and fail to take advantage of them, they won't be of any value to you.
In fact, you do have more than enough intelligence and skill to reach any goal you set for yourself. You do have ways to access the resources necessary to achieve anything that you're fully committed to achieving.
The defining factor is your attitude. Because your attitude determines what you do with each moment, and those moments, all added together, form the substance of your life.
And your attitude is yours to choose. It ultimately depends not on any outside factors, but on what you decide to make it.
You have a whole world full of good things going for you. Adopt an attitude that enables you to always make the best of what you have.
-- Ralph Marston
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